With All Your Heart

“And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This [is] the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left” (Isaiah 30:21).

            Have you ever faced a decision where all you want to do is the will of God but all clarity seems to elude you?

            My wife and I have served here in Bolivia well over seven years, and we both have felt for awhile that it might be time for a change of scenery. Feelings, however, are an unreliable guide for making unselfish decisions. But what if unexpected and unsolicited events begin to corroborate our feelings? Oh, we say, then it must be providence. Right?

Some time around August last year, Dad told me that the president of a nearby college back stateside had asked him for my contact information.

“You should call him. Sounds like he has a job for you,” Dad recommended. But I figured the opening was for the 2015-16 school year, and I was committed to finishing our school year here in Bolivia through the end of November. Doubtless the position would be filled before then, so I dismissed the idea, though we continued to pray that God would show us if it was time to move on.  

In the meantime, Lyli was also praying that we would be able to visit her parents in Mexico over the holidays, as we hadn’t seen them for almost two years. We had no money for such luxuries, however, and were resigned to stay to watch the school during the ten-week vacation between sessions. About a month before graduation, however, we were invited to attend a mission summit in Belize, just a couple of hours away from the in-laws.

“We’d love to, but we just don’t have a way to get there right now.” We replied.

“Don’t worry! We are taking a couple of our graduates to Bolivia in the mission plane, and you can fly with us on the way back north!”

“Wow! Isn’t God good!” Lyli squealed with excitement. “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring [it] to pass” (Psalms 37:4-5).  

A few days before our flight north, another friend contacted us.

“Hey, are you planning to come to the States after you visit your folks in Mexico?” she asked my wife. “Keila is doing a week of prayer here at the Academy, you should come! You can tell the children’s story on Sabbath and Kody can play the piano! I found some insanely cheap flights!”  

            But the flights, though an excellent deal, were still out of our price range, so we politely declined. Our friend does not give up easily however, bless her heart.

            “I have some flight miles that expire in April,” she told us. “You can have them!”

            “Well, if you insist, we’re not going to say no!” The miles ended up being just enough to purchase both of our tickets.    

            While we were in Mexico, I called home and Dad told me he had spoken with the college president again, and there was still a job opening.

            “You should call him,” Dad reiterated.

I could hardly believe it. Could this be the answer to our prayers? I decided to contact the college president and told him that we would be on campus should he like to meet in person, and we arranged a meeting. When the president explained the job, it was much different than what I had expected and very challenging, but I was willing to give it my best shot. Maybe it was just what I needed. I decided to think, pray, and talk to my wife some more before making a decision.  

What should we do? It was time to do some real praying. I wrote a list of questions for the college president, and we entered into holding pattern.

I truly believe that the times we live in call for much more than merely doing good: we must be doing our absolute best at the job that is best for us. But how can we ever hope to know what “best” really is, with such an abundance of good things crying out to be done? The only solution is supernatural guidance. Only God knows me well enough to know not only where I can best serve, but also grow at the best rate to reflect more perfectly the image of the Best Man, Jesus Christ. How does such supernatural guidance work, anyway? How can I recognize it, and do I have any part at all to play in it?

When we got home I thought my car registration was expired, so I made an appointment with the DMV, paid the fees, passed smog inspection, and was getting ready to put the new tags on my car when I realized the previous registration was still good through June, of all things! You fool! I scolded myself. You are so unobservant! But as usual, my self had a comeback: Hey, God knows, maybe you’re going to get that job at the college, and then you’ll need the California registration anyway.  It was a comforting thought, but is that really how it works? Or are we just always too ready to masquerade even our own ineptitude as God’s providence?

            About this time I read a passage, I believe it was in My Life Today, that says that when seeking God’s will, besides prayer and attention to providential circumstances, we must study God’s Word, for it is His voice speaking to our soul.

            Well Lord, speak to me this morning. Show me what we should do. I prayed as I opened my Bible to where I had been reading in the book of Joshua.  I read about the conquest of Canaan, and how God’s plans for His people were so far beyond anything they imagined. He wanted to give them from the Euphrates River to the Mediterranean Sea and south to the boarders of Egypt, but they stopped less than halfway.  In the margin I read the following commentary:

            “Stopping halfway hinders God’s plan…Wherever they [the Israelites] should build houses and cultivate the land, business firms should be established, that they would not have to borrow from their neighbors, but their neighbors from them…but they stopped halfway. They consulted their own convenience, and the very work God could have done for them… was not done.

            Lord, are we stopping halfway if we leave Bolivia now? The thought came quickly and clearly, but was immediately muddled by another: Or could this mean that, like the Israelites, we have settled down and gotten comfortable where we are and it is time to get up and move on, conquer new territory, so to speak? Great, so which is it? This is a lot of help. I fumed.

            Later that day when I tried to share my thoughts with my wife, I explained the first application from my reading, but when I tried to tell her about the counter application, I drew a blank. Why couldn’t I remember? It had made good sense too!

Lyli looked at me and grinned. “I read the same passage this morning and had the same thought,” she said.

            Lord, is this the answer to our prayers, or is it just coincidence? I went into the closet, the water closet actually, shut the door and continued to pray. And then I saw it — a placard on the windowsill above the commode:

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

            Sudden, unexpected thoughts struck my conscience like lightening from blue sky.

“You who seek guidance from the Lord, have you acknowledged Him in all your ways? Have you sought His counsel for your every decision? Do you really trust Him with all of your heart? Are you sure? Your heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9). That’s right, not even you know your own heart! Only God knows. Have you asked Him to show you your heart?”

            I was stunned. Oh Lord, You are right! Am I deceiving myself? Are there parts of my heart that still don’t trust You? Please show me my heart.

            The lightening storm continued.

            Deep down inside you really want this. You want this to be God’s will because you want to be close to home.

It’s true. I had to admit. Family gatherings are the highlight memories from my childhood on through college. It hurts to be on the other side of the globe and miss the holidays, graduations, and other special events where we have always traditionally been together.

Comments that various family members made when I had mentioned my prospective job echoed in my head:

“You need to get that job at the college”  

“It sure would be nice to have you closer to home!”

“It’s about time we had you around more often.” 

Another flash from Scripture followed:

 “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me… And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.”  (Matthew 10:37-38). God’s rejoinder traversed my soul and laid bare the secret thoughts and intents of my heart.

 “And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.” (Mathew 19:29)

            Okay Lord. I get it. Besides, it would be quite rude and ungrateful of me not to trust you on this one when you have brought me home for a visit every single year of my entire missionary experience! You even brought me home this year when there was no money! You have been more than good to me.

             As I reflected on the sacrifices of missionaries prior to commercial airlines and instant Internet messaging, I was ashamed. I am a pansy of a missionary. What have I sacrificed really? I know so little of what it means to suffer for God.  

            That’s it Lord, you’ve made things more than clear. You still have something for us to learn in Bolivia. I can’t make my family an excuse. Anyway, I’d rather do Your will and spend an eternity with my loved ones than follow my own way and only see them here for a few short years more.

            A deep and unshakeable peace I hadn’t felt for weeks settled over me. The pretexts and excuses faded away. Sure, we still didn’t have money for tickets back to Bolivia, but how could I dare test the Lord with that now? To demand “give us the money for our tickets and then we will know you want us to go back” smacked of insolence and presumption. God had pointed out the way, He would provide what we needed to walk in that way. So we planned a trip north to visit my siblings, uncles and grandparents. God had brought us this close; I had to take advantage of the opportunity to see the family, especially now that we were going back to Bolivia.

On that trip, the Lord confirmed His will for us.

“You are doing an important work down there” one friend and mentor encouraged us. He went on to share how he volunteered for a second tour of duty in Vietnam.

“People thought I was crazy, but I could see how my work was helping people who otherwise would have had no other recourse. Most people won’t understand, but keep on, don’t give up! By the way, how much do you need for your tickets to get back?” 

            For now, God has us here another year, and I know there must be good reasons for it. We have nearly 60 boarding students right now, and I have never seen a group embrace so enthusiastically our distinct educational program and the message behind it. This last week we had special evangelistic meetings each evening, and 10 students made the decision to commit their lives to Christ and be buried with Him in baptism. Please keep praying for us, as we feel the Great Controversy intensify every day. The work is great, and the greatest obstacles in the work are often ourselves. We need a deeper experience with God. I long for improved spiritual hearing to recognize His voice and a renewed heart that trusts Him completely and is willing to promptly go wherever He may send.

P.S. Those of you who have prayed for the rice harvest, thank you so much! We have had good rain over the last week or so. We’ll keep you posted.